Finished: The Meaning of Liff (Adams). Yes, that's Liff. :-) So...some may think it's cheating to read this funny book of Douglas Adams that assigns really funny every day definitions to cities from the UK. However, I just absolutely cannot bring myself to read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which probably put him in the top 100 list. I got true enjoyment from reading all the definitions, though, so I don't consider it cheating. After all, he did author the book, and take great pleasure in doing so, or so it would seem. Co-authored by John Lloyd, here is their description of the book.

In Life, there are many hundreds of common experiences, feelings, situations and even objects which we all know and recognize, but for which no words exist. On the other hand, the world is littered with thousands of spare words which spend their time doing nothing but loafing about on signposts pointing at places. Our job, as we see it, is to get these words down off the signposts and into the mouths of babes and sucklings and so on, where they can start earning their keep in everyday conversation and make a more positive contribution to society.

So, here are some of my favorites. I literally laughed out loud at a few. And, some were just too raunchy to include here. My absolute favs....Berepper, Frolesworth, Glentaggart, Jurby, Scronkey, Shoeburyness, Spittal of Glenshee, and Woking


ABERYSTWYTH (n.)
A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for.

ALLTAMI (n.)The ancient art of being able to balance the hot and cold shower taps.

BEREPPER (n.)
The irrevocable and sturdy fart released in the presence of royalty, which sounds quite like a small motorbike passing by (but not enough to be confused with one).

CORRIEARKLET (n.)
The moment at which two people approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognise each other and immediately pretend they haven't. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognising each other the whole length of the corridor.

DAMNAGLAUR (n.)
A certain facial expression which actors are required to demonstrate their mastery of before they are allowed to play Macbeth.

DUGGLEBY (n.)
The person in front of you in the supermarket queue who has just unloaded a bulging trolley on to the conveyor belt and is now in the process of trying to work out which pocket they left their cheque book in, and indeed which pair of trousers.

DUNBOYNE (n.)
The moment of realisation that the train you have just patiently watched pulling out of the station was the one you were meant to be on.

DUNCRAGGON (n.)
The name of Charles Bronson's retirement cottage.

DUNTISH (adj.)Mentally incapacitated by severe hangover

EPSOM (n.)
An entry in a diary (such as a date or a set of initials) or a name and address in your address book, which you haven't the faintest idea what it's doing there.

FIUNARY (n.)
The safe place you put something and then forget where it was.

FROLESWORTH (n.)Measure. The minimum time it is necessary to spend frowning in deep concentration at each picture in an art gallery in order that everyone else doesn't think you've a complete moron.

FULKING (participial vb.)Pretending not to be in when the carol-singers come round.

GLASSEL (n.)A seaside pebble which was shiny and interesting when wet, and which is now a lump of rock, which children nevertheless insist on filing their suitcases with after the holiday.

GLENTAGGART (n.)A particular kind of tartan hold-all, made exclusive under licence for British Airways. When waiting to collect your luggage from an airport conveyor belt, you will notice that on the next conveyor belt along there is always a single, solitary bag going round and round uncollected. This is a glentaggart, which has been placed there by the baggage-handling staff to take your mind off the fact that your own luggage will shortly be landing in Murmansk.

GOOSNARGH (n.)Something left over from preparing or eating a meal, which you store in the fridge despite the fact that you know full well you will never ever use it.

HARPENDEN (n.)The coda to a phone conversion, consisting of about eight exchanges, by which people try gracefully to get off the line.

HIGH OFFLEY (n.)Gossnargh (q.v.) three weeks later.

HORTON-CUM-STUDLEY (n.)The combination of little helpful grunts, nodding movements of the head, considerate smiles, upward frowns and serious pauses that a group of people join in making in trying to elicit the next pronouncement of somebody with a dreadful stutter.

HOVE (adj.)Descriptive of the expression seen on the face of one person in the presence of another who clearly isn't going to stop talking for a very long time.

JURBY (n.)A loose woollen garment reaching to the knees and with three or more armholes, knitted by the wearer's well- meaning but incompetent aunt.

KIRBY (n.)Small but repulsive piece of food prominently attached to a person's face or clothing.

KIRBY MISPERTON (n.)One who kindly attempts to wipe an apparent kirby (q.v.) off another's face with a napkin, and then discovers it to be a wart or other permanent fixture, is said to have committed a 'kirby misperton'.

LITTLE URSWICK (n.)The member of any class who most inclines a teacher towards the view that capital punishment should be introduced in schools.

MINCHINHAMPTON (n.)The expression on a man's face when he has just zipped up his trousers without due care and attention.

MOFFAT (n. tailoring term)That part of your coat which is designed to be sat on by the person next of you on the bus.

PLYMOUTH (vb.)To relate an amusing story to someone without remembering that it was they who told it to you in the first place.

QUENBY (n.)A stubborn spot on a window which you spend twenty minutes trying to clean off before discovering it's on the other side of the glass.

SCAMBLEBY (n.)A small dog which resembles a throwrug and appears to be dead.

SCOSTHROP (vb.)To make vague opening or cutting movements with the hands when wandering about looking for a tin opener, scissors, etc. in the hope that this will help in some way.

SCRONKEY (n.)Something that hits the window as a result of a violent sneeze.

SHOEBURYNESS (abs.n.)The vague uncomfortable feeling you get when sitting on a seat which is still warm from somebody else's bottom.

SKETTY (n.)Apparently self-propelled little dance a beer glass performs in its own puddle.

SOLENT (adj.)Descriptive of the state of serene self-knowledge reached through drink.

SPITTAL OF GLENSHEE (n.)That which has to be cleaned off castle floors in the morning after a bagpipe contest or vampire attack.

WOKING (participial vb.)Standing in the kitchen wondering what you came in here for.