Finished: Beloved (Morrison) Stunning Pulitzer Prize winning book written by a Nobel Prize winning author. Morrison's stark naked account of slaves Sethe, Halle, Paul D, Baby Suggs, Sixo and others...and how the atrocities they suffered at the hand of "whitepeople" tragically impacted their emotions and behaviors for the rest of their lives. Oh my God, just such an eye-opening, visceral story. I've known all my life that slavery is a deplorable thing. I've known that no human being should ever own another. I've known that no human being should ever treat another human being lower than an animal. I've seen and read different shows and books that detail some of the horrors of slavery, but I don't think any book has ever brought to light such stark details before. And simple details too...like just describing how Paul D couldn't react to something one time...couldn't speak up and say something because why? Because he literally had a horse bit in his mouth. They attached him to a cart with a horse bit. And he wasn't the only one. Some of the women came to be known as having a certain perpetual smile because their mouths were forced into that shape with horse bits. For God's sake, what kind of human being would put a horse bit on another?? That part of the book made me cry. Or, when Sethe (pronounced Seth-uh) was six months pregnant and she was pinned down and raped by her master's nephews...but that wasn't enough, they "took all her milk". She was still nursing her other baby daughter and they squeezed all the milk out of her. Such horrid, personal violations. And, most of Beloved doesn't even take place back when Sethe, Paul D, Halle, Sixo and Baby Suggs were slaves. But the descriptions of what they went through, as the characters have their "rememories" and confide them to each other and live through the pain all over again are nightmarish. It's just the impact of what they went through....how it shaped their lives...how it caused Sethe to do the worst thing imaginable to the children she loved more than she loved herself that breaks my heart.

I can't regurgitate out the plot of the story all over again because it's all so fresh at the moment, but I'll give a brief synopsis. Sethe and Halle are young married slaves in Kentucky who have two little boys, a baby girl, and another baby on the way when they decide to try and run. The master who owned them for years and treated them very decently has died, and the new master is a horrific nightmare. They hear about a woman who will take them on a secret wagon train to safety in slave-free Ohio. They plan an escape with fellow slaves, Paul D and Sixo. When Sethe shows up to the woman in the meeting place in the corn field, Halle isn't there. Neither are Paul D or Sixo. Sethe gut-wrenchingly parts with her children. She begs the lady to take them on to Halle's mother in Ohio while she goes back to look for her husband. (With the old master, he had allowed Halle to work double-time and "pay off" his own mother so she could be free.) That's when Sethe is cornered by the master's nephews and raped and her milk "taken". Then, they beat her across the back so savagely that her scars become like those of a giant tree. When Halle is still nowhere to be found, she makes a break for it by herself and heads the same direction as the wagon. Paul D and Sixo suffer their own misfortunes which we hear about later. They end up with Sixo being burned to death and Paul D being sold to another owner who keeps him in a cage in a ditch in the mud and works him on a chain gang. Sethe ends up in the woods by herself and goes into labor. About to die anyway from her terrible injuries, she is aided by a poor white trash girl named Amy Denver. Amy helps her give birth to a baby daughter (who Sethe names Denver) and points her in the right direction for crossing the river. Luckily, she is found by an old black man, Stamp Paid, who takes slaves across the river to freedom when he can get away with it. Just his name alone made me shake my head too. Was that the only name he knew because he'd been stamped as "Paid"?? Anyway, he delivers her across the river and then some...right to the home of Baby Suggs, her mother-in-law, who has Sethe's other three children all safe and sound. They have a wonderful reunion and Baby Suggs nurses Sethe back to health. They have a surreal 28 days until Sethe's master, only called "the schoolteacher" comes with the sheriff, looking for Sethe and his other property. Another common horror of slavery...little slave children hardly ever got to stay with their mothers long because they were sold away from them. :-( So, to schoolteacher, the two young boys and baby girl were all eventual money for him. So...when Sethe looks up from the garden and sees the hat of schoolteacher walking onto the property she goes crazy. She runs and grabs all her children and takes them to the shed. By the time anyone can get there, she has cut her two boys with a handsaw, nearly sliced the head off her oldest baby daughter, and is about to smack her infant daughter's head up against the wall. The thought of her children going back to that world and suffering what she suffered made her determined to kill them before letting them suffer a life of those atrocities. Such horrible desperation. When the schoolteacher sees the bleeding boys, and to me I thought it implied they were castrated because he said, "well, they'd be no use to him now", the dead baby girl, and the crazed Sethe, he backs away and writes them all off as a loss. He doesn't force the issue of taking them back. Sethe is taken to jail, but helped out by an actual kindly white man who is letting them live in one of his houses rent free. So, when the story actually opens, it's been about 18 years since the day that Sethe killed her oldest baby daughter...one we only come to know as "Beloved" because that's what is written on her tombstone. In all those 18 years, the unhappy spirit of Sethe's daughter has haunted the small house they all live in and alienated the family from the neighborhood. Even Sethe's two sons at age 12 and 13 run away rather than deal one more day with the haunting, tormenting spirit. Baby Suggs passes away eventually and leaves Sethe and daughter Denver there alone to deal with the "ghost". One day, Paul D shows up at the door and he and Sethe have an instant connection. He asks her about Halle and she says she hasn't heard from him since before they were supposed to meet to run together. She assumes he's dead. Paul D comes into the house and can feel the evil baby spirit. He breaks a few chair legs and some dishes and yells at it to go away, and sure enough it does. He and Sethe start a sexual relationship which Denver is not too happy about, but at least Paul D takes Sethe and Denver and goes to the town fair with them...on the day set aside for the "blacks". They have a fun time but when they come back, there is a mysterious, almost new looking young woman about Denver's age sitting in the front yard waiting for them. Sethe instantly takes her in and before long it becomes apparent that the young woman, who says her name is Beloved, is the spirit of Sethe's dead baby come there in human form. She begins to make Paul D do things he doesn't understand, like not wanting to go upstairs with Sethe...I mean, like he becomes physically ill. When Paul D starts sleeping in the shed, then Beloved comes to him and wills him to have sex with her. It's not like he's just a typical guy who gives in to temptation. It's like she forces him too and he doesn't understand it. Out of guilt, Paul D tells Sethe that he'd like to have a baby with her. When Stamp Paid hears this, he tells Paul D about how Sethe killed her daughter all those years ago. Paul D is horrified. He can't imagine anything he went through that would have made him kill a child of his...and he went through some horrible things himself. He has a heartbreaking talk with Sethe where she tries to explain why she did what she did...because she loved her children more than anything, but he just couldn't fathom them having her same experiences. Here's the end of the conversation between Sethe and Paul D:

    "Your love is too thick," he said, thinking, That bitch [Beloved] is looking at me; she is right over my head looking down through the floor at me.
    "Too thick?" she said, thinking of the Clearing where Baby Suggs' commands knocked the pods off horse chestnuts. "Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all."
    "Yeah. It didn't work, did it? Did it work?" he asked.
    "It worked," she said.
    "How? Your boys gone you don't know where. One girl dead, the other won't leave the yard. How did it work?"
    "They ain't at Sweet Home [schoolteacher's farm]. Schoolteacher ain't got em."
    "Maybe there's worse."
    "It ain't my job to know what's worse. It's my job to know what is and to keep them away from what I know is terrible. I did that."
    "What you did was wrong, Sethe."
    "I should have gone on back there? Taken my babies back there?"
    "There could have been a way. Some other way."
    "What way?"
    "You got two feet, Sethe, not four," he said, and right then a forest sprang up between them; trackless and quiet. 
    Later he would wonder what made him say it. The calves of his youth? or the conviction that he was being observed through the ceiling? How fast had he moved from his shame to hers. From his cold-house secret [having sex with Beloved] straight to her too-thick love.
    Meanwhile the forest was locking the distance between them, giving it shape and heft.
    He did not put his hat on right away. First he fingered it, deciding how his going would be, how to make it an exit not an escape. And it was very important not to leave without looking. He stood up, turned and looked up the white stairs. She [Beloved] was there all right. Standing straight as a line with her back to him. He didn't rush to the door. He moved slowly and when he got there he opened it before asking Sethe to put supper aside for him because he might be a little late getting back. Only then did he put on his hat.
    Sweet, she thought. He must think I can't bear to hear him say it. That after all I have told him and after telling me how many feet I have, "goodbye" would break me to pieces. Ain't that sweet.
    "So long," she murmured from the far side of the trees.

Just heartbreaking. So, Paul D leaves Sethe. Beloved finally has her way. Things deteriorate even further when Beloved becomes more and more demanding of Sethe and her attention, to the point where Sethe even quits her job. All Sethe cares about it trying to explain and make amends to Beloved for her behavior years before. Finally, Denver grows a backbone and goes to some of the town women for help. They are starving and her mother's gone nearly mad. As the women gather to finally come and help, the kindly white man who helped keep Sethe out of jail all those years ago is driving up in a cart to pick up Denver. He's going to have her work in his house for pay. When Sethe sees the white man, she has visions of the schoolteacher all over again and runs outside and tries to kill the man with an icepick. She's stopped by Denver and the women. Beloved, disappears, not to be seen again. Sethe takes to her bed, much the way Baby Suggs had done at the end of her life. At the end of the book, Denver has found her independence and is working and being schooled. Paul D grows some compassion and goes back to see Sethe. He finds her in bed and realizes she's just going to let herself die. She tells him that she's lost her Beloved,  her "best thing". Paul D tells her they need to build a future together and that she's her OWN best thing. She is. And Sethe says, "Me? Me?".  The ending leaves you thinking that maybe Paul D sticks by Sethe and they actually have a future together. The entire books leaves me just so gut-sick at what the fellow human beings of my very own ancestors went through...what some of them went through probably at the hands of some of my very own ancestors. It's alot to think about.

Baby Suggs was a character who was good and spiritual who everyone looked up to. She'd also been a slave that had eight children, all of them sold off and taken from her except her youngest son, Halle. I can't imagine just being used as a breeder and having your children taken from you like that. One line I liked from Baby Suggs at the beginning of the book about Halle, who worked double to get her paid off:

    "A man ain't nothing but a man," said Baby Suggs. "But a son? Well, now that's somebody."

And one time, when Baby Suggs was arguing with Sethe who was trying to say that at least some of the whitepeople had been good to them:

    "They got me out of jail," Sethe once told Baby Suggs.
    "They also put you in it," she answered.
    "They drove you 'cross the river."
    "On my son's back."
    "They gave you this house."
    "Nobody gave me nothing."
    "I got a job from them."
    "He got a cook from them, girl."
    "Oh, some of them do all right by us."
    "And every time it's a surprise, ain't it?"
    "You didn't used to talk this way."
    "Don't box with me. There's more of us they drowned than there is all of them ever lived from the start of time. Lay down your sword. This ain't a battle; it's a rout."

Lay down your sword. This ain't a battle; it's a rout. Wow, imagine the hopelessness of feeling that way. Dang, another intense, depressing book, but such a good one.
   

   

Finished: Under the Volcano (Lowry). A very intense, complicated, but good book. I had hesitated to read this one because it is about the destruction of a marriage due to alcohol abuse. I was witness to a few of my dad's drinking binges as a teenager and college student. I wasn't really sure I wanted to read about something that I had lived. Pathetic, morose, rambling....those are the words that come to mind when I think of conversations I've tried to have with an alcoholic when he's drunk. There is no rhyme or reason to the person, just wild, extreme unreason. And, the main character in Under the Volcano, Geoffrey Firmin, was so spot on. His ramblings, hallucinations, conversations he held in his own head, bizarre actions, were all so cringe-worthy to read. Don't get me wrong...I adored my dad. He was a good man, a loving father, a family man to the core. He was extremely intelligent. He became an adult in the 1940's and started a family in the 1950's, back when you walked in the door from work with a cigarette in your hand and a drink waiting for you after a long day. He was just one of those people who was predisposed (I guess) to becoming addicted to the alcohol. Some of his "out there" arguments while he was inebriated were very philosophical, questioning life's purpose, God, man's duty to each other, etc. Of course, maybe those are the things all alcoholics question? Anyway, miraculously, my dad rediscovered the purity of love and joy when Jenny Cate, his first grandchild, was born and he cut way back on his drinking. I don't know how he did it, but he was able to have a drink here or there...or a couple of beers on the weekend, etc., and not fall into the old behaviors. Maybe he wasn't an alcoholic? I know one drink is supposed to make an alcoholic spiral back into the abyss, but he did not. I'd say he pretty much cleaned up his act and thankfully his beloved grandchildren never witnessed that side of him. Anyway, I only talk about my dad because as I read some of the outrageous things going on in Geoffrey Firmin's head, I wondered exactly what thoughts were going through my own dad's head when he was on one of his drinking tears.

So, back to the book....intense, complicated, sad, tragic. There are only four main characters: Geoffrey Firmin, 44, the British Consul to a small town in Mexico in 1938; his ex-wife, Yvonne, 30; his younger step-brother, Globe reporter and globe-trotter, Hugh, 29; and his estranged childhood friend, Frenchman Jacques Laruelle, 45ish, who lives in the same Mexican town. As each chapter was told from the viewpoint of one of these characters, it was difficult to read and decipher at first. There was so much stream of conscious babble put down on the pages, SO MUCH. Drunk or not drunk, the pages were just full of the ejaculation of these people's every thought. I can't think of a better word to describe it. I even tried the Thesaurus, lol. Anyway so at 15 Geoffrey looses both his parents and is taken in by a compassionate, yet hard-working and hard-drinking family. Baby Hugh is brought up by an aunt on his mother's side. At 15, Geoffrey is much more of a wimpish, bookish boy and feels very left out from the hard-drinking sons of his benefactor. It's never made clear where and when he starts drinking and becomes a raging alcoholic, because he's so averse to it as a teenager. He does meet his friend, Jacques, though and they become the best of friends...for a few months, until Jacques has to return back home for his own schooling. Flash forward to the adult Jacques in the opening chapter seeming to be lamenting the one year anniversary of Yvonne arriving back in their small Mexican town to actually take Geoffrey back. He doesn't understand how she could have come back for the downward spiraling, alcoholic. It is clear that Jacques loves Yvonne. It's also implied that Jacques and Yvonne may have had a little fling and so more than just the alcoholism led to her leaving Mexico and divorcing Geoffrey. Geoffrey pines and pines away after she leaves. He loves her more than life..but not more than tequila and mescal (nasty stuff). He never answers any of the letters she sends where she states her love and wants him back. I don't think he ever even reads them in his continuous stupor. When we finally meet him and read the first of his chapters, all he can think about is where he'll get the next drink. It's just a sad, sad reading of the desperation in this man to know that he shouldn't be drinking, but it's the only thing that can actually make him quit having the tremors because he's so far gone in it. He thinks he's walking straight, talking straight, etc., but he's really not. He thinks of Yvonne constantly and wants her back, but has never even realized her reciprocated feelings from not reading her letters. Enter the first chapter for Hugh. Hugh is good-looking, young, a globe trotting reporter who has very definite political and religious beliefs. It is unclear whether he's also a possible runner for arms to the revolutionists in the war going on in Spain at the time...or if he just WANTS to be that. Again, the stream of conscious delusions of grandeur seem to run in the family. Hugh, though, is not an alcoholic and is actually trying his best to get Geoffrey to straighten out. It becomes clear that Hugh is also in love with Yvonne and that perhaps something happened between them at one point too? It's hard to tell whether that part is just part of Geoffrey's wild imagination, or whether something really happened. However, it is clear that Hugh loves Yvonne. And, speaking of Yvonne...the day one year ago that Jacques is reflecting back on is now the day in which the rest of the novel is spent. Yvonne shows back up in Mexico to let Geoffrey know that she still loves him, can't live without him, and wants him back. By the way, they love this area of Mexico mostly because of the two "beautiful" volcanoes that are nearby, which are always in their vision as they live their lives. Geoffrey tries his best to cover how much he's drinking upon seeing Yvonne. She tells hims right off the bat she loves him and wants him back, but he can't bring himself to say that he loves her. What's more....Hugh is there and he knows how the two adore each other. Geoffrey proceeds to get drunk and pass out and Hugh and Yvonne go for a long horseback ride. She tells him she loves Geoffrey and is back to make things work. Hugh is disappointed and let's her know he's leaving the next day for one of his adventures on a boat. They have the loveliest time out on their ride. When they return back to the house, Geoffrey is up and they all decide to get cleaned up and go into the next town over for some fun. As they're walking to the bus, they run into Jacques. He insists they come in for a drink, so they do, but Yvonne is very uncomfortable. Of course, everywhere they go, Geoffrey drinks more than the others realize. Soon, Yvonne makes their excuses and they all head into town. It's made so very clear in this chapter that Yvonne and Geoffrey both remember her "thing" with Jacques, that I'm certain it happened. She's never uncomfortable around Hugh, so I'm wondering if their "thing" was just a flirtation? So, as Yvonne and Hugh stop to enjoy a little town fair before catching the bus, Geoffrey tells them to go on and he goes to a bar and drinks more. By the time they're all on the bus, Geoffrey is pretty drunk. As they get closer to the town, the bus nearly hits a man laying in the road, so they stop. Sure enough, the man has been injured, but not by the bus. His horse is nearby...a horse they had seen earlier in the day with saddlebags...but the saddlebags are gone. They begin to wonder if the man had been robbed and left to die. Hugh is appalled that no one will help the man, but it is against the Mexican law to touch someone who is down. That doesn't make sense, but Hugh at least puts a handkerchief on his wounds as the local policia are showing up. They figure the authorities will take over and take care of the man. As the bus goes on its way, Geoffrey and Hugh notice that one of the bus passengers has taken the bloodied coins that were under the dying man's hat. Still, there is nothing they can do. They continue on into the town to watch some bull riding, which Hugh actually participates in. While Hugh is riding the bull, Yvonne and Geoffrey finally have a moment together and she tells him that she loves him and wants them to go somewhere and start over. He finally tells her he loves her and admits how he's fallen so low and that, yes, he wants to go with her to start over. Afterwards at dinner, though, Geoffrey, who has continued to drink throughout the whole day, gets terribly belligerent to Yvonne and Hugh. It's like he just can't help pushing her away and ruining his life, and hers. I feel compelled to put the two contrasting, tragic scenes here. The first scene is from Yvonne's viewpoint, so any tangent thoughts are hers.

    "Darling," Yvonne whispered suddenly, "Geoffrey--look at me. Listen to me. I've been...there isn't anything to keep us here any longer...Geoffrey..."
    The Consul, pale, without his dark glasses, was looking at her piteously; he was sweating, his whole frame was trembling. "No," he said. "No...No," he added, almost hysterically.
    "Geoffrey darling...don't tremble...what are you afraid of? Why don't we go away, now, tomorrow, today...what's to stop us?"
    "No..."
    "Ah, how good you've been--"
    The Consul put his arm around her shoulders, leaning his damp head against her hair like a child, and for a moment it was as if a spirit of intercession and tenderness hovered over them, guarding, watching. He said wearily:
    "Why not. Let's for Jesus Christ's sweet sake get away. A thousand, a million miles away, Yvonne, anywhere, so long as it's away. Just away. Away from all this. Christ, from this."
    --into a wild sky full of stars at rising, and Venus and the golden moon at sunrise, and at noon blue mountains with snow and blue cold rough water--"Do you mean it?"
    "Do I mean it!"
    "Darling..." It ran in Yvonne's mind that all at once they were talking--agreeing hastily--like prisoners who do not have much time to talk: the Consul took her hand. They sat closely, hands clasped, with their shoulders touching. In the arena Hugh tugged; the bull tugged, was free, but furious now, throwing himself at any place on the fence that reminded him of the pen he'd so prematurely left, and now, tired, persecuted beyond measure, finding it, hurling himself at the gate time after time with an incensed, regressive bitterness until, the little dog barking at his heels, he'd lost it again...Hugh rode the tiring bull round and round the ring. 
    "This isn't just escaping, I mean, let's start again really, Geoffrey, really and cleanly somewhere. It could be like a rebirth."
    "Yes. Yes it could."
    "I think I know, I've got it all clear in my mind at last. Oh Geoffrey, at last I think I have."
    "Yes, I think I know too."
    Below them, the bull's horns again involved the fence.
    "Darling..." They would arrive at their destination by train, a train that wandered through an evening land of fields beside water, an arm of the Pacific---
    "Yvonne?"
    "Yes, darling?"
    "I've fallen down, you know...Somewhat."
    "Never mind, darling."
    "...Yvonne?"
    "Yes?"
    "I love you...Yvonne?"
    "Oh, I love you too!"
    "My dear one...My sweetheart."
    "Oh Geoffrey. We could be happy, we could--"
    "Yes...We could."
    --and far across the water, the little house, waiting--

The next scene is from Geoffrey's viewpoint. As he, Hugh and Yvonne sit at dinner, served by the waiter, Cervantes, and Geoffrey is really plastered. They are discussing politics and war, etc. and he begins insulting and disagreeing with Hugh, and then it just turns into a nasty diatribe against them both, all the while, Geoffrey is also talking to himself.

    "If you've really read War and Peace, as you claim you have, why haven't you the sense to profit by it, I repeat?"
    "At any rate," said Hugh, "I profited by it to the extent of being able to distinguish it from Anna Karenina."
    "Well, Anna Karenina then..." the Consul paused. "Cervantes!" --and Cervantes appeared, with his fighting cock, evidently fast asleep, under his arm. "Muy fuerte, " he said, "muy terreebly," passing through the room, "un bruto."--"But as I implied, you bloody people, mark my words, you don't mind your own business any better at home, let alone in foreign countries. Geoffrey darling, why don't you stop drinking, it isn't too late--that sort of thing. Why isn't it? Did I say so?" What was he saying? The Consul listened to himself almost in surprise at this sudden cruelty, this vulgarity. And in a moment it was going to get worse. "I thought it was all so splendidly and legally settled that it was. It's only you that insists it isn't." (talking about the divorce)
    "Oh Geoffrey--"
   --Was the Consul saying this? Must he say it?--It seemed he must. "For all you know it's only the knowledge that it most certainly is too late that keeps me alive at all...You're all the same, all of you, Yvonne, Jacques, you, Hugh, trying to interfere with other people's lives, interfering, interfering--why should anyone have interfered with young Cervantes here, for example, given him an interest in cock fighting?--and that's precisely what's bringing about disaster in the world, to stretch a point, yes, quite a point, all because you haven't got the wisdom and the simplicity and the courage, yes, the courage, to take any of the, to take--"
    "See here, Geoffrey--"
    "What have you ever done for humanity, Hugh, with all your oratio obliqua about the capitalist system, except talk, and thrive on it, until your soul stinks."
    "Shut up, Geoff, for the love of mike!"
    "For that matter, both your souls stink! Cervantes!"
    "Geoffrey, please sit down," Yvonne seemed to have said wearily, "you're making such a scene."
    "No, I'm not, Yvonne. I'm talking very calmly. As when I ask you, what have you ever done for anyone but yourself?" Must the Consul say this? He was saying, had said it: "Where are the children I might have wanted? You may suppose I might have wanted them. Drowned. To the accompaniment of the rattling of a thousand douche bags. Mind you, you don't pretend to love 'humanity', not a bit of it! You don't even need an illusion, though you do have some illusions unfortunately, to help you deny the only natural and good function you have. Though on second thought it might be better if women had no functions at all!"
    "Don't be a bloody swine, Geoffrey." Hugh rose.
    "Stay where you bloody are," ordered the Consul. "Of course I see the romantic predicament you two are in. But even if Hugh makes the most of it again it won't be long, it won't be long, before he realizes he's only one of the hundred or so other ninney-hammers with gills like codfish and veins like racehorses---prime as goats all of them, hot as monkeys, salt as wolves in a pride! No, one will be enough..."

It goes on and on. :-( Obviously, things are shattered at this point. Geoffrey runs out of the restaurant and heads toward his favorite bar in the next small town over, just a couple of miles away, and closer to the volcanoes. In the next chapter, from Yvonne's viewpoint, Hugh and Yvonne go out and try to find him. As it grows darker and darker, they finally head down the right road to where he is when flashes of lightening from an approaching storm get more intense. Suddenly, a frightened, galloping horse comes from nowhere and tramples Yvonne on the path! In a horrible scene, she dies. The horse, it turns out, is the same one that had been with the dying man on the side of the road. Then, in the next chapter, from Geoffrey's viewpoint, he's in the bar that he had run to. Events are occurring in the same time frame as the chapter before. Geoffrey gets drunker and drunker on mescal. Recognizing him, the bartender pulls a stack of letters from behind the bar that Geoffrey had left there a few months back. They are all the letters written by Yvonne that Geoffrey had never read. He pulls one out to read and it is Yvonne begging him to start over....telling him that she loves him and wants to have children! Geoffrey is now despondent at his behavior earlier. He never realized she wanted to have children after all. Meanwhile, two of the policia that were supposed to take care of the dying man earlier have come into the bar. Geoffrey goes outside and notices that they have the man's horse and now the saddlebags are back. He realizes that it was corrupt policia who had actually killed the man and taken what was in his saddlebags before. As he goes to pet the horse, the policia come out and accuse him of trying to steal it. They then accuse him of all sorts of things, like being a traitor to Mexico and a spy, etc. As the lightening storm intensifies, the horse rears back and breaks loose. The livid policia shoot Geoffrey several times. As Geoffrey is dying, he feels people picking him up. He thinks he's being helped but in reality they've picked him up and they throw him in a ravine! That is the end of the book. Of course, the horse that has just run away is the one that kills Yvonne. Very sad ending. The book just ends. It never goes back to revisit Hugh or Jacques. Woe be the horrible tragedy of alcoholism.

Finished: The Inferno (Alighieri). Dante's Inferno...I'm pretty sure I read this in high school, but I couldn't be sure, so I wanted to re-read it. It is, of course, considered one of the great masterpieces of literature. I'm certainly not going to argue with that notion, even if it wasn't my favorite book. There were so many beautiful passages, that I can see how the epic poem deserves those praises, especially considering that it's just the first part of the three part Divine Comedy of Dante's. The Inferno is the tale of Dante's guided tour through hell by his fellow poet, and somewhat hero, Virgil. Virgil, already deceased, penned the equally impressive Aeneid. Actually, I preferred both the writing and the story of The Aeneid, so I can see why Dante looked up to the impressive Virgil and made him his spectral guide through hell. So, in the 34 cantos of The Inferno, Dante and Virgil travel through all the layers of hell until they finally reach the very center pit of hell where Satan resides. It was a little anti climatic because throughout the book, on each level, Dante and/or Virgil held conversations with different souls. I really expected some kind of conversation with Satan, but there was nothing. All the levels have different punishments for the souls who are languishing there. And, as each level is detailed, we meet the souls of several real life people who Dante knew either historically or personally. I think the biggest problem I have with The Inferno is that most of the descriptions and stories of the damned souls are those of Florentines (from Florence like Dante) or other Italians that Dante was so familiar with, but that I was not. Sure, there were a few "famous" people scattered about, like Ulysses (Odysseus), who tells his tale, but most of them were obscure to me. I spent more time reading the notes in the back of the book than I did just reading the poem itself. However, the beautiful, descriptive writing was not lost on me. The explicit descriptions of each of the punishments were quite chill-provoking at times. At the end, Dante and Virgil climb back out of hell to see the stars far more quickly than it takes them to make their descent. The entire story starts because Dante has found himself turning more towards the dark side in his real life...I guess meaning he's losing sight of good and God? Anyway, I suppose that seeing all the evils of hell are supposed to reinforce in him the will to be good. The next two books in the series deal with his journey into Purgatory and then Paradise, so I'm assuming he makes it. :-)

Here are a few passages that I enjoyed.

Dante's opening lament:

Midway upon the journey of  our life
    I found myself within a forest dark,
    For the straightforward pathway had been lost.
Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say
    What was this forest savage, rough, and stern,
    Which in the very thought renews the fear.

In this one, Dante questions Virgil about whether the damned souls will suffer more or less after the rapture occurs. Virgil answers that they will feel their pain more, just as those who are saved will feel the perfect pleasure:

So we passed onward o'er the filthy mixture
    Of shadows and of rain with footsteps slow,
    Touching  a little on the future life.
Wherefore I said: "Master, these torments here,
   Will they increase after the mighty sentence,
    Or lesser be, or will they be as burning?"
And he to me: "Return unto thy science,
    Which wills, that as the thing more perfect is,
    The more it feels of pleasure and of pain.

As Virgil calls Dante's attention to the level of hell where people who have done violence to others are sent, he sees the souls mired in a boiling river of blood and wonders why we can't have more foresight and self-control in real life:

"But fix thine eyes below; for draweth near
    The river of blood, within which boiling is
    Whoe'er by violence doth injure others."
O blind cupidity, O wrath insane,
    That spurs us onward so in our short life,
    And in the eternal then so badly steeps us!

In one of the many moments where one of the souls mistakenly asks what Dante, the new dead soul is getting a tour of hell and their pain for, Virgil explains that Dante is not yet dead:

"But who art thou, that musest on the crag,
    Perchance to postpone going to the pain
    That is adjudged upon thine accusations?"
"Nor death has reached him yet, nor guilt doth lead him,"
    My Master made reply, "to be tormented;
    But to procure him full experience,
Me, who am dead, behoves it to conduct him
    Down here through Hell, from circle unto circle;
    And this is true as that I speak to thee."
More than a hundred were there when they heard him,
    Who in the moat stood still to look at me,
    Through wonderment oblivious of their torture.

Finished: White Noise (DeLillo). A very "out there" book written in the early 80's and having enough oddity to get itself on Time's Top 100 books. It's been on my list to read, and I'm glad I did, but it wasn't exactly my thing. I mean, again, the writing was good....kind of almost a stream of conscious story of the main character's preoccupation with the fear of death. Even the dialogues between the characters sometimes just seem like random stream of consciousness, though, they seem so real at the same time. I can so see human beings, especially teenage siblings, holding some of the random conversations that take place in the book. White Noise is the story of a professor of Hitler Studies at a small college in the Midwest, Jack Gladney. He's on his fourth wife, Babette. Between them they live with four of their children from previous marriages, none of whom are full brothers and sisters. They're a quirky, outspoken family with normal worries, day to day routines, etc. They have only one television between them, but they watch it enough for the commercials and disaster news shows to make great impacts, as is their intent. Jack and Babette both have almost an irrational fear of death. They keep telling each other that they want to die before the other one so as not to be left alone. Babette has such a fear, in fact, that she goes off and enters a clandestine drug trial for Dylar, a drug that is supposed to reduce your fear of death. Unfortunately, the man running the trial is kicked out of the company, but he keeps Babette's trial going on the sly in exchange for sex. Doubly unfortunately, the drug doesn't work. Babette still has the irrational fears and she also has lots of memory loss of day to day things. One day a train with toxic chemicals derails near their town and a huge black cloud goes up in the sky....an "airborne toxic event". The families of the town, including Jack and Babette's family, are evacuated for nine days. The fears and wonders of the event are seen through all their eyes. Jack, in getting out of the evacuating car to get gas, fears he's become exposed to the toxins, and sure enough, traces of them appear in his blood work later. Therefore, he gets an even more fixed fear of death. His good friend and colleague at the college, Murray Siskind takes long walks with him and they discuss all manner of philosophical ideas about life and death. Murray says that some people conquer their fear of death by killing others. Why else would mass murderers do what they do? (Um, maybe because they're crazy??) Anyway, when Jack finds out about Babette's sex for drugs escapades, his first reaction is to get some of the drug for himself. However, Babette refuses to tell him the name of the supplier...only that it's all over since the drug didn't work. Then, after Murray's theory about killing, Jack decides he will seek out the drug supplier and kill him. He works himself up to the task, finds out rather conveniently who the guy is and what seedy hotel he's staying at, goes there, shoots him, puts the gun in his hand to make it look like he shot himself, but then the guy shoots Jack in the wrist before succumbing to a drug induced stupor. He's been feeding himself the Dylar non-stop and is an addict of it himself. Having been shot, Jack realizes what he's done and takes the man and himself to a clinic for help. They all assume the man shot himself and Jack, since that's what Jack tells them. Jack goes home to watch his sleeping children. The next vivid scene involves the youngest of the children, 2 or 3 year old Wilder, driving his little plastic tricycle (I picture a Big Wheel), across three lanes of the busy interstate, up onto the median, and across three more lanes before he rolls down a hill into a puddle and cries for his mom. Having survived the ordeal, I guess we're supposed to get the point that death can really happen to anyone at any time? I don't know. I know I held my breath while reading that part! So, Jack, Babette and Wilder spend the ending scene of the book going to stop on the highway overpass with half the rest of the town to look at the spectacular sunset...a phenomenon that has only been occurring since the airborne toxic event. It makes them wonder what has been left behind in the air particles, but oh well, the sunsets are spectacular. That's the end. Kind of a statement on human nature, fear, blended families, government reactions to disasters, and commercialism all in one. I'm not sure I would have put it on the top 100 list of books, but it was okay to read something that wasn't back in the 18th century! :-)

Finished: Frankenstein (Shelley). Well, I can't say that Frankenstein was my cup of tea, but I can say it was very well written. I couldn't really fathom why it would be in the top 100 books for so many lists, and I still don't think I'd put it there, but hey, I'm just a reader and not a literary expert, lol. The tale is just so convoluted that I couldn't really let myself get lost in the book and feel for the characters. Barely any explanation is given as to how the very young college student, Victor Frankenstein, actually brings life to the demon monster creation of his. He tells the person he's relating his story to that he'd never want anyone else to be able to create another abomination like his, so he'll never tell. Of course, if Frankenstein had shown his demon monster creation the slightest bit of compassion when he brought him to life instead of yelling at him, shrinking in horror and running away for the next few days...maybe the monster would not have grown into being what it did. Now that I've read the book, I think I can say that I've never seen a Frankenstein movie....just maybe bits and pieces...but never a whole movie...well, except for Young Frankenstein, but I don't think that counts. :-) So, the demon monster creation runs off in his newborn ignorance and spends two years living by night and sleeping by day and spying on different human beings until he learns what his feelings and sensations mean, and even learns how to read and speak. If he ever shows his face to human beings, though, they throw things at him and shoot at him and call him a monster. He meets compassion no where. This drives him to hate mankind, even though he truly wants to love mankind and have them love him. He finds out where his creator is from and goes there and murders his little brother, who is a small boy. The demon monster creation then takes something of the small boy's and plants it in a sleeping girl's pocket so she'll be blamed. Of course, the sleeping girl is a dear friend of the Frankenstein family. When Victor hears of the two tragedies, he immediately knows in his heart that his evil creation has committed the murder of his brother, and is responsible for the girl being put to death. He vows to kill the creature. The demon monster creation has other ideas, though. Oh, and he's now very well read...having found some books and read Goethe's heartbreaking, The Sorrows of Young Werther, Milton's epic tale of Adam and Eve, Paradise Lost, and the ancient famous person biography book, Plutarch's Lives. Pretty impressive reading for a two year old. Of course, we never learn where Frankenstein got the brain, so maybe it's possible! Anyway, after murdering the brother and setting up the friend, the demon monster creation confronts his creator, Frankenstein, and forces him to listen to everything he's been through for the past two years. His storytelling and vocabulary surpass, I'm quite certain, that perfect 800 on the SAT. He tells Frankenstein that if he'll just create for him a woman monster like himself as a companion, they'll go away and live far away from any other human beings forever. If he doesn't create her, then he will continue to kill Frankenstein's loved ones. Frankenstein, by this time near mad with grief and worried about his father and his lady love, agrees to create her. Right before he's about to flip the switch and bring her to life, though, he realizes that he'll just be creating another monster that might not even LIKE the original! With no guarantee of the cessation of bloodshed, Frankenstein destroys the female creation. Demon monster creation then sticks true to his word and murders Frankenstein's dearest friend since childhood, and then also his beloved new wife. Frankenstein's father dies of terrible grief. (His mother had died years before the monster was created.) So, all Frankenstein has left to do is chase the monster down and fight to the death. He does this by chasing him across the frozen north, almost to the North Pole. When Frankenstein succumbs to death from his treacherous journey, the demon monster creation comes to briefly mourn over him and then promises that his killing days are now pointless and over since he can no longer bring pain to his creator. He will drag himself as far north as he can, create a huge fire and throw himself on it. The end.

Gosh, I'm just not sure what to say. I can see where this was a unique story back in the day, but I honestly don't get its high critical praises and place on the top 100 list. On the other hand, it did keep my attention and I read it pretty fast. I will definitely, one of these days, come out with my own top 100 list. I have a bit more reading to do first though. :-)

Finished: The Commission in Lunacy aka The Interdiction (de Balzac). Ahhh, that was a much better de Balzac story. :-) I was very unhappy with the ending, though, and can only hope that justice was served correctly in the end despite the ending twist. The Commission of Lunacy is the second of de Balzac's Le Comedie Humaine works to have Eugene de Rastignac as a character. Though not a main character in this book, as he was in Le Pere Goriot, where I first came to really like him, this book showed just enough to propel him a bit into his future of the six or seven other de Balzac books that he is in! Over time, I'll probably read them all. Anyway, in this story, de Rastignac asks his good friend, Horace Bianchon, a doctor he was friends with in Le Pere Goriot, to appeal to his uncle...a judge who will be handling the case of a society woman who is trying to have her estranged husband declared insane. The woman, Madame d'Espard, is a very cunning and rich woman who is 33, but acts younger. Her husband left her years before and took along their two young sons, now 15 and 13. Not really caring to protest that move, as the youngsters would have hampered her lifestyle, she is now in a position of flirting with all sorts of men, yet feeding them to the wolves at the same time, as she is very powerful in society. For some reason, the ambitious de Rastignac has his sights set on helping her with her cause, and possibly becoming somehow attached to her good graces and he fortune. Madame d'Espard has brought a commission of lunacy to the courts to have her husband declared insane because he is going through his fortune incredibly fast. The petition states that he is squandering away his fortune to where nothing will be left for his sons, and that he's not raising the sons as society  gentleman as he should be. Furthermore, the way he is squandering the money is by giving it to an ugly old woman and her son who he is not related to in any way. Bianchon asks his uncle, Judge Popinot, to go and dine with madame d'Espard to discuss the petition. Popinot declares that supping with anyone on either side of a case he'll be reviewing is highly unethical, and he refuses. Popinot is a good, hard-working lower court judge who gives all his spare time to helping the poor people in his neighborhood. He doesn't live at all high on the hog, and he's smart as a whip! Bianchon tells his uncle that they can just pay an investigatory visit that doesn't involve dining and the judge agrees. Popinot immediately sizes up Madame d'Espard and by her answers to his very shrewd questions deducts that she only brought this case against her estranged husband because she herself has piled up a massive amount of debt managing her own money (the money she brought to the marriage which the husband had insisted she keep and manage for herself). When the judge suggests this to her, but also says that he will be fair in all things and go and interview the husband as well, Madame d'Espard is not happy to have been called on the carpet. When Popinot goes to see the Marquis d'Espard in his very humble, but homey house where he's raising his two sons with love and education, and to be young gentlemen, it doesn't take very long for the judge to realize that d'Espard is not crazy at all. He is, in fact, quite an honorable man. He had discovered years before that his grandfather's wealth was gained illegally off the backs of the family of the old lady and her son who he was now generously giving money to. In fact, he had sought her out and they had settled on a fair price and he had just finished paying off what he considered to be a debt, and what he considered to be honorable to clearing his name for his sons to continue on in society. He had told his wife this years before...that they needed to downsize and move to the country so he could do the right thing by these people, and she had refused, exploding in his face, allowing him to take the boys and move away and leave her to her society. The judge also gets a chance to meet the two sons, who are well-mannered and loving towards their father and each other. The judge assures Marquis d'Espard that his disclosures are safe with him, and that furthermore, he will be writing up a decision to the petition stating that the Marquis is not insane. As Popinot goes to take his written statement to the courts the next morning he is stopped by the president of the courts who says that he met with his superior who is friends with Madame d'Espard. Madame had told the superior that she had tea with Popinot, which of course, would be grounds for a new judge to be assigned. Popinot vehemently denied having the tea and tried to turn in his decision, but the president of the courts told him that he was removed from the case and there was nothing he could do. I'm sure his nephew, Bianchon, would have been mortified to know that he encouraged his uncle to go to Madame d'Espard's with the outcome that ensued! Popinot leaves the court without being able to turn in his decision and sees that the case has been turned over to a young, ambitious hotshot. The end! :-( It, of course, left me wondering how thing would end for Marquis d'Espard and his boys! Pooh...just when I thought I might get a happy ending for once. Perhaps the next de Balzac book I read with de Rastignac in it will make a reference to the outcome. Right now, though, I think I'll switch gears off of the French drama for a bit. :-)

Finished: The Girl With the Golden Eyes (de Balzac). A bizarre de Balzac novella. Not my favorite of his works, but I do enjoy his writing! So many of de Balzac's characters repeat themselves in different stories of La Comedie Humaine, his collection of works. Apparently the main character of The Girl With the Golden Eyes, Henri de Marsay, is also in a few other books, but I'm not sure he's ever a main character in any other story. Henri is what is known as a dandy in de Balzac's works...a rich young man who is impeccably dressed, in high society, and has quite a way with the women. Henri de Marsay is also the illegitimate son of Englishman, Lord Dudley. Neither of Henri's parents took one iota of interest in him as a child, so he was basically raised by an uncle who was a tutor. However, Lord Dudley did provide monetarily for Henri, hence his wealth. Lord Dudley also had other children with other mistresses, and it was made clear that he didn't take an interest in any of them, and never thought it necessary to let his children know of their possible siblings out in the big world. Henri grows up with extreme intelligence and magnificent good looks, but lacks any love for God or man. He has few friends, as most people fear getting on his bad side and being subjected to his sarcasm and disdain. One day, at the age of 23, he spies Paquita, a beautiful young woman with mesmerizing golden eyes, walking with her duenna. When she sees Henri, she gives a start just like he does. They seem to form an instant attraction, but cannot stop to talk with each other. Henri finds out where she lives, and that she is the mistress of a Spanish marquis. He sends her a note and some sleeping drops to put her duenna to sleep and to sneak off to meet him. When the two young people meet, their attraction is mutual and they spend a night in the throes of passion. Henri is surprised that, though a "physical virgin", Paquita seems so experienced in the ways of love. He harbors a slight suspicion which is confirmed the next time they meet when Paquita murmurs "Marguerite!" when they are making love. Henri is incensed that Paquita has another lover who she has feelings for, and that to top things off, the lover is a woman! He immediately tries to kill Paquita but is stopped by her powerful man-servant, who will do anything she asks. Henri is sent home, but a few days later makes his way back to Paquita's bedroom with four of his friends. He leaves them downstairs for support if needed and heads up to Paquita's room to kill her. When he gets there, he finds a woman with a knife who has stabbed Paquita several times and Paquita reaches out to him as she dies in a pool of blood. The other woman seems more crazed than Henri. When she turns and sees Henri, they both give a start and exclaim..."your father must be Lord Dudley". Yes, that's right...brother and sister have come face to face and have both been infatuated with the same woman. What's more...Henri's sister is the marquese who bought Paquita. There had never been a marquis, hence Paquita's physical "innocence". Henri leaves his new found, and apparent look-a-like, half sister to clean up the mess of the murder and goes back to his friends. A few weeks later one of his friends asks him whatever became of the beautiful girl with the golden eyes and Henri says..."she died...of consumption." That's the end. Really, a kind of bizarre story among de Balzac's other works that I usually enjoy.

Finished: The Man in the Iron Mask (Dumas). Another good Dumas book! :-) Although, the book was far less about the man in that iron mask than it was about the ending stories of the four Musketeers, Athos, Porthos, Aramis and D'Artagnan. I haven't read the Musketeer books before this one, but I am very tempted to now that I've read this! In this book the Musketeers are all beyond middle age now and all serving different masters. Porthos, the loving, happy giant, is rich and happy and is concerned mostly with new clothes and perhaps gaining a Dukedom from the king. He still serves the master of honorability and friendship to a tee. Athos, the only one with a child, serves that son, Raoul, with all the love, patience and heartbreak of parenthood. D'Artagnan, the consummate soldier, is captain of the Musketeers, serving the young, volatile, willful King Louis XIV of France. Aramis now serves God, or so it is supposed. He is now a priest and leads the Jesuit order. He, however, aspires to loftier goals. Aramis (for me the most unlikable of the former companions) has his eyes set on being first a cardinal, and then the Pope himself. Since it is the king who would appoint both positions, Aramis has found his way around his contentious relationship with King Louis. There is a deep, dark, royal family secret.....when Louis was born 23 years earlier, a twin brother was born soon after him, Philippe. Their father, King Louis XIII, feared a possibility of discrepancies about who would be the rightful heir to the throne...the first born? Or, last born and first conceived (as was believed in those days). Acting against any possible doubt and strive for the throne and the country, he declares that the second born twin son should be taken off to the country and raised in obscurity. When the boy Philippe comes too close to finding out the truth due to a misplaced letter, he is imprisoned in the Bastille from the age of 15. Sadly, all this is with the knowledge of his own mother! Aramis, having become privy to this information, decides to free Philippe and trade him out for the identical King Louis! Philippe will then owe Aramis his loyalty and grant him his ambitious wishes. All goes well and the switch is made! It lasts less than 24 hours, though, as Aramis trusts the wrong person to confide his scheme in, the unlikely hero to the king, his minister of finances, Fouquet, who at the time, the king highly mistrusts and is about to have arrested. Fouquet is innocent of the charges the king has been informed of, and expressing his unwavering loyalty for the crown, single-handedly rescues the king from the dungeon in the Bastille where he has been taken. Aramis realizes that his plan has been foiled and he is now an enemy of the king and knows that he must flee. Unfortunately, he had roped the unknowing Porthos into helping him take the mysterious prisoner, aka, the king, to the Bastille. Aramis realizes that he has also compromised the integrity and safety of Porthos, and he takes him to flee to an island fortress belonging to, of all people, Fouquet. Meanwhile, D'Artagnan is ordered by the king to place the "usurper", Philippe, in an iron mask so his face will never be shown again and imprison him on the isle of Marguarite. He also orders D'Artagnan to pursue and kill the traitors, Aramis and Porthos. D'Artagnan is heartbroken and does everything he can to help the two escape before he officially has to arrest them. King Louis, suspecting that D'Artagnan might not be able to follow through, calls D'Artagnan back and orders his other men to capture the traitors and put them to death. Together, Aramis and Porthos put up quite a battle, killing dozens of soldiers before Aramis escapes in the boat they had both planned to take together. While waiting for Porthos to run out from the cave where they had their boat stashed, Aramis watches in horror as an explosion causes huge boulders from the cave to crash down on Porthos, killing him and burying him in his final resting place. In despair, Aramis sails for the safety of Spain. Meanwhile, Athos is happy to relish in the company of his son Raoul, who all the Musketeers consider like a son. He is honorable and much beloved, however, his fiance, Louise de la Valliere, who he has given his entire heart and soul to, has fallen in love with the king and he with her. Distraught at the loss of the love of his life, Raoul signs up for a military excursion in Africa which is basically a suicide mission. Raoul and Athos share a heartbreaking farewell and basically, Athos wastes away while he waits for word from his son. In severely declining health he has a vision of Raoul heroically dying in Africa. Immediately thereafter he receives words that Raoul has, in fact, been killed. Athos then closes his eyes and dies as well. :-( Terribly saddened by the deaths of dear Porthos, beloved Raoul and impeccable Athos, D'Artagnan ages overnight....but he pulls up his bootstraps and heads back to Paris to serve his king. In the epilogue, however, it is four years later and D'Artagnan is still King Louis' captain of the Musketeers. The only thing he aspires to, what he has wanted for years, is to be made a Marshall of France. He knows that it will require a big military excursion to do this. King Louis commissions him to head up his military ground forces in his battle against Holland. D'Artagnan is surprised and happy to be reunited with Aramis before he goes. Aramis, apparently forgiven by the king, comes bringing the alliance of Spain to France in that Spain will stay neutral in this war and do nothing to impede France. Their brief reunion allows the two friends to embrace one more time "two embracing for four", and remember their fallen comrades. D'Artagnan goes and has so much success in Holland that the king dispatches an order naming him the Marshall of France. Just as he reaches out to take his cherished Marshall's baton, a cannon ball from the enemy fells the magnificent D'Artagnan. The end. So...the story of the Musketeers comes to an end as the three most noble of the men makes his way to heaven, and the fourth lives the remainder of his life in Spain, and the twin brother of Louis rots in his iron mask, never mentioned again after the middle of the book.

I might just be inspired to read the first book of the series! But, not right now. :-)

Finished: Rabbit, Run (Updike). Why? Why is this book among the top ranked books on all the lists I've researched?? I'm so disgusted with the main character that I can't even think straight. Never have I come across a more narcissistic, whiny, unsympathetic, despicable character as Harry "Rabbit" Angstrom. I don't even want to write about him. How were there three sequels to this book? The entire series is wildly popular, at least in the literary world. Was it a bunch of men who voted for two of these books to win the Pulitzer?? Do they somehow see the 26 year old Rabbit (who walked out on his pregnant wife and 2 year old son without a word, goes to live with a prostitute, impregnates the prostitute, propositions his only friend the preacher's wife, goes back to his wife when she goes into labor, decides to "stick it out", spends about two seconds in awe of his new baby daughter before he selfishly begs his wife to have sex again only nine days after the birth, FIXES HIS PRE-ALCOHOLIC WIFE, WHO HAD GIVEN UP ALCOHOL AND WAS TRYING HER BEST TO FIX HER FAULT IN THE MARRIAGE, A DRINK SO SHE'LL "LOOSEN UP AND HAVE SEX", walks out on his wife when she won't have sex, stays away all night and most of the next day while his wife spirals into a drinking stupor and accidentally drowns their new baby daughter, shows up at the funeral and expects sympathy) as a hero?? As someone they'd like to emulate? I absolutely do not get it at all. I couldn't believe where the book was actually going as the wife was filling up the tub in her stupor. I couldn't believe the baby would die, but she did. So tragic. :-( And then for Rabbit to still take none of the blame?? And, then to read afterwards that he and his wife stay married throughout the next three sequels for over 30 years for more and more crap like this, including a 2 year old son who grows up to be a drug addict...well no wonder!

One of the most over-rated books I've read, truly. Did I keep reading and was there actual good writing in the book? Sure. However, I would never put this book among the top 100 books on any list. I cannot condone, feel compassion for, or try to "get" Harry "Rabbit" Angstrom. Blech!

Finished: Angels in America, Part Two: Perestroika (Kushner). Book #200, after 15 months of reading!! Actually, a play, and a brilliant one. Part two of Angels in America, Perestroika, won the Tony the very next year after it's predecessor, Angels in America, Part One: Millennium Approaches. The continued story of all the characters in the first play, Roy Cohn, Prior Walter, Louis Ironson, Belize, Joe Pitt, Harper Pitt, and Hannah Pitt...oh yes, and the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg and the title character, the Angel! Heartbreaking, urgent, deep, honest, cringing, humorous at times, but too tragic to be in any way a comedy. I will always read a story about people afflicted with AIDS with such a heavy heart. I will always feel a story like this 100 times more than anything else I read I think. I will always attribute some of the emotions and dialogue and frustration of the characters to feelings and words and despair my brother must have felt and spoken.

The play picks up right where the first part left off. The Angel has crashed into Prior's bedroom and announced to him that he's The Prophet. Actually, I think the Angel is ready for Prior to make his way to heaven. Prior, though extremely sick with AIDS, wants to live. He's only 30. Roy Cohn, on the other hand, has deteriorated critically. He's in the hospital...his death imminent. He's still his hard-nosed self, and he berates nurse, Belize, Prior's good friend and ex-lover. Belize holds his own and the belligerent scenes between Belize and Roy are brilliant and mesmerizing, because they are also full of an underlying compassion that simply must be present in the face of AIDS. Belize lets Roy know that even though he's been approved for the trials of AZT, that there is a chance he'd be one who is only taking placebos...the tragic possibility of any drug trial. Roy gets right on the phone and bribes some former associate into getting him his own personal supply of AZT. Only Belize ends up knowing about the supply, and when Roy finally dies a painful death, Belize takes the drugs to be used by his friends...specifically, we are to assume, Prior. Right before Roy dies, he finds out from the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg that he has, in fact, been disbarred before dying. He really wanted to die as a lawyer, but alas, he did not. Prior, has his own journey into heaven and back. On earth, he also ends up meeting Harper and Hannah and realizes their connection to Joe, which then reveals to him the connection between Joe and Louis who have now had a sexual relationship for the past month. When Louis finds out that Joe is a Mormon AND a Republican, he can hardly stand it. Louis still loves Prior but just can't deal with the disease. Prior and Belize consider him cowardly and can't believe he didn't stand by Prior. Joe thinks he's in love with Louis. Hannah, Joe's mother, has traveled from Salt Lake to New York to take care of the despairing Harper. Harper loves Joe and wants him back. He comes back once, but she finally makes him confess that he's never been attracted to her. At the end, Joe comes back to Harper after Louis kicks him out, but Harper finally stands up for herself and says goodbye to him. Not before, however, she makes her own brief trip to heaven when she almost overdoses on her Valium. While there, she sees Prior with the angel as he's about to refuse, in front of the angle council, to stay. Hannah, who has met Prior in New York's Mormon Visiting Center, takes Prior to the hospital when he falls deathly ill. So, Hannah is actually with Prior when the Angel comes to take Prior on his visit to heaven. She's the one who tells him he can fight the Angel, refuse to be the Prophet and stay here on earth. So, by the end of the story, which is five years later, we don't see Joe again, but we know that Harper has flown off to make her new life. We do, however, see Prior, Belize, Louis and Hannah sitting in Central Park. Though Prior refused to take Louis back years before, it looks like they are all still connected. Obviously the AZT has worked for Prior because, though he's been fighting the illness for the last five years, he's still alive.

Throughout the play, almost every character comes in contact with every other character at one time or another and each scene is pretty brilliant. Now that I've read these plays, I would so much love to see them on the stage. They would be worthy of a trip to New York just to see them alone!

Finished: Daniel Deronda (Eliot, George). A long, but good book with lots and lots of characters! Daniel Deronda is the story of, well, Daniel Deronda! Daniel Deronda is a young man of about 24 who has been raised in England in the 1860's by a wealthy Englishman, Sir Hugo Mallinger, who took him to raise as his ward when he was only two years old. Daniel knows nothing of his true parentage, but assumes that Sir Hugo is his secret father and that his mother willingly gave him up. However, Daniel is darker haired and complexioned than most fair skinned Englishmen, so he often wonders what his true heritage is. He loves, adores, and respects Sir Hugo, though. And, Daniel himself has grown up to be a compassionate, thoughtful, good person. He is always rescuing others, or lending his ear for their problems. He's not sure what he wants to do with his life after graduating from the university, but soon three relationships will change all that.

Daniel sees the beautiful, lively, 20-year old Gwendolen Harleth at the roulette tables while on vacation in France with Sir Hugo. From afar he watches as she rashly bets all her money on a certain number, and then loses. Gwendolen looks up to see Daniel studying her with his gaze that makes her feel less superior to him because she was gambling...and Gwendolen takes pride in always feeling superior to others! She is a willful, selfish, young woman with a widowed mother at home in England and four step-sisters who she can't bother with. She's the pride of her mother, but has been completely spoiled. She is chagrined that Daniel is looking at her with such fascination and takes it as an insult. Though they don't meet at that time, later when they do, Daniel becomes the equivalent of Gwendolen's conscience as she goes through all her tribulations. She can hardly make any decisions without his approval, much to the displeasure of her husband. Speaking of her husband, he is very, very heartless. Henleigh Mallinger Grandcourt is the 35 year old nephew of Sir Hugo, and heir to all his vast property, since Hugo himself has no male children. Henleigh is the son of Hugo's deceased brother. Henleigh rides into Gwendolen's quaint English town with the purpose of most likely marrying the richest heiress in town, Catherine Arrowpoint. However, once he meets Gwendolen, he sets his sights on her. Gwendolen will have none of that, not wanting to marry now, and maybe never. She's the first woman ever to string Grandcourt along and he pursues her relentlessly. The thing is, though, he doesn't truly fall in love with her. He only wants to manipulate her and prove that he can "rule" her by marrying her. He turns on the outward charm, but inside he seethes. Gwendolen is about to fall for his charms and say yes to the marriage proposal she knows is coming when Grandcourt's mistress of the last ten years shows up!! She is a woman who left her husband and young son for Grandcourt, and now has four children by him...the youngest, five years old, being a son. Grandcourt "keeps" the mistress and her children in one of his estates, but is no longer romantically interested in her. When the mistress, Lydia Glasher, comes face to face with Gwendolen on the day Gwendolen intends to accept Grandcourt's proposal, she tells Gwendolen about her life of the last ten years and shows Gwen her children, including her son. She makes her promise not to marry the man who had promised to marry her and make her children legitimate. Gwendolen makes that promise and runs off to France (where we catch up with the opening scene of the book at the roulette table). Grandcourt has no idea that Lydia has confronted Gwen and takes her running away as one more hard-to-get ploy and goes after her. Meanwhile, right after Gwendolen has lost all her money at the table and looked up to see the gaze of Daniel Deronda, she gets a telegram to go home to her mother immediately....all her mother's money has been lost, having been invested poorly by a banker. They are to be destitute! Gwendolen returns home to find out that she will either have to work at a school as a teacher (though she's not qualified) or as a governess to three "bratty" girls. She can't bear the thought of her position in society suddenly changing, and the timing is perfect when Grandcourt shows back up, telling her he followed her to France and back and is still determined to marry her. Despite her promise to the mistress, Gwendolen sees that Grandcourt is willing to marry her despite her now having no money. (That was a big deal in 1860's England!) She knows that if she marries him that her mother will not be destitute...and neither will she. She agrees to marry him, and he knows it's not for love, but he doesn't care. He will soon be controlling her in his sadistic ways. First he must go to Lydia Glasher and get back his mother's diamonds that he gave her to wear all those years. Lydia breaks down when he tells her he's marrying another. She tells him she will make sure the diamonds are delivered to Miss Harleth before her wedding day, and that she will not make a scene and show up there herself. She knows that she will still be depending on Grandcourt to keep her and the children in a home and cared for. Instead, Lydia sends the diamonds to Gwendolen on her wedding day with a nasty note...a note telling her that she'll be haunted til the day she dies every time she wears the diamonds and knows that she "stole" her son's inheritance out from under him. This begins a horrible, downward spiral of a controlling marriage where Grandcourt "breaks" Gwen's will. He is cold and not at all charming any more. He has his own way in all things. He insists that she show an outward appearance of a happy marriage at social events. She actually begins to appreciate her old life, even her sisters. In their social circle, they run constantly into Daniel Deronda and Gwendolen begs for his moral advice. She's done something awful (marrying for money and depriving the other woman of her right), and how can she not be considered an awful person? Deronda tells her that the first step, and one that makes people redeemable is recognizing they did something wrong and being remorseful about it.

As the book goes on, we also have a huge section on Daniel himself and how he was raised up with Sir Hugo as a good Christian boy. He's often questioned his mother's heritage, but never wants to question Sir Hugo since he adores him and doesn't want to ever hurt his feelings. One day when Daniel is out rowing on the Thames (after the vacation where he witnessed Gwen at the roulette table), he spies a beautiful young woman who looks to be in despair, and looks like she's going to throw herself into the river. He quickly rows his boat over and convinces her that her life is worth something and to please let him help. Her name is Mirah Lapidoth. She is a 19 year old Jewish woman who is in dire straights. She has run away from a father who kidnapped her from her beloved mother and older brother when she was six years old and took her to far away lands to sing and act on stage. She had spent years doing as her father asked until a few months before when her father, who had fallen deeper and deeper into debt due to drinking and gambling, finally expected her to marry an older, brutish man in exchange for a large sum of money. Desperate, Mirah ran away back to London to search for her mother and brother. Her father had told her all those years that her mother had died, but she no longer believed him. Daniel convinces Mirah to let him help her. He takes her to his college room mate and good friend's mother's house. This mother, Mrs. Meyrick, also a widow, and her three daughters take Mirah in and take care of her. They all learn that Mirah truly can sing so Daniel arranges for her to meet the renowned musician, Herr Klesmer, who at one time had told Gwendolen she could never make it as an actress or singer. Herr Klesmer hears Mirah sing, however, and tells her that though he feels she's not made for the stage, that she could make a nice living singing for private parties in high society and also giving singing lessons. Mirah doesn't know how to thank Daniel and the Meyrick family for all their kindness. Daniel doesn't realize it yet, but he's falling for Mirah. He decides to look for her mother and brother to see if they are even alive. In doing so, he walks into a book shop one day and meets a young Jewish man of about 35 named Mordecai. Mordecai sees the intense and thoughtful look in Daniel's eyes, and also the dark hair and not-so-fair skin and assumes that he's Jewish. He exclaims that he's finally there...the one who can learn everything he has to teach him and carry on the tradition before he dies. That's right...Mordecai is dying of consumption. :-( Daniel apologizes and tells Mordecai that he is not Jewish, and doesn't speak Hebrew. He's so sorry not to be "the one". To make a very long story short....Mordecai ends up being Mirah's long lost, very sick brother. They are delighted to be reunited, though it is also bittersweet that he is so sick...and, that their mother had, in fact, died of heartbreak a few years after Mirah was taken. Daniel provides for both Mordecai and Mirah and moves them both into a little house of their own near the Meyricks. He goes as often as he can to talk to the fascinating Mordecai and learn all he can about Judaism...even beginning to learn Hebrew. He is a compassionate young man who would like to learn all he can about this religion he knows little about. He does so because he adores both of these new people in his life.

Meanwhile, Grandcourt and Gwendolen continue their unhappy marriage, making outward social appearances as if nothing is wrong. When Gwen and Daniel have run into each other at social events one too many times for Grandcourt, he decides to take Gwen and go yachting on the Mediterranean. While yachting, Gwendolen feels even more trapped than before and longs to go home. Grandcourt has finally let her know that he knows she knew about his mistress and children and still married him. Gwen is more humiliated than ever. Her pride is crushed. What's more...he has recently made out his will. If no male heir comes of their marriage, then he is leaving everything, all the estates, etc., to his illegitimate son when he dies. He will leave Gwen the old estate near the coal mines where he now keeps Lydia and the children, and, two thousand a year, which for a man so rich, is considered a horrendously small amount to leave his young wife who is used to being wealthy. Gwendolen knows all about the will and doesn't even care. She just sees no hope for her future having any happiness. While Grandcourt and Gwen are yachting, Daniel Deronda gets a strange letter delivered to him by Sir Hugo. Finally...after all these years...his absent mother wishes to meet him immediately! He goes to Genoa, Italy as requested by the letter. After a few days, Daniel comes face to face with his real mother. She is elderly and sick and wanted to meet him before this illness takes her life. She is now a married princess with other children. She explains to Daniel that when she was young, all she ever wanted to do was sing and act on stage...in fact, she was a famous stage actress named Alcharisi. Her father hated this life for her and wanted her to stick to the traditional role and be a wife and mother. Because...duh...duh...duhhhhh....she was Jewish!! That's right, Daniel's mother was born into a strict Jewish family. As a matter of fact, she did marry a Jewish man of her father's choosing, knowing that the man was so in love with her that she'd be able to get her way in all things. The husband did, in fact, have no problem with her continuing her singing and acting career. When she had Daniel, she didn't want children. She didn't have a maternal bone in her body and really didn't love him. When her husband died before Daniel was two, she had suitors from all over the world. One of the men who was in love with her was Sir Hugo. She told Sir Hugo one day what she wouldn't give for a man who would love her enough to do something for her without asking for love in return. He asked her what she wanted. She said she'd like for him to take Daniel with him to raise to be an English gentile, gentleman. She hated the Jewish faith that had been forced upon her as a young girl. Sir Hugo agreed, since he could see that Daniel would get no love from his mother, and the theater life was no life for a child. Sooooooooooo, Daniel Deronda finds out something that he's not so sad to know given his life as of late...he is actually Jewish. Sir Henry was not his secret father after all. He still loves and adores Sir Henry. Daniel's mother is proud of how he has grown up, but is not too happy when Daniel tells her he will embrace his Jewish heritage. He can't forget the faith he was raised in, but he will not abandon his roots either. His mother gives him an old wooden chest that belonged to his grandfather containing all kinds of letters and Jewish booklets, prayers, etc. Though Daniel begs her to let them have a relationship now while she's still alive, she says no...her current husband and children no nothing about him. They have a heartfelt goodbye.

Meanwhile, Grandcourt and Gwendolen have a very rough day on the sea one day and decide to make port to make some repairs. Where do they make port? Genoa! That's right...they run into Daniel Deronda after his second meeting with his mother while he is still reeling from the news of his heritage and of meeting his mother in person. Grandcourt, in his jealousy, decides that he and Gwen will not relax in the hotel where she might run the risk of an encounter with Deronda. Instead, he hires a small sailing boat and declares to Gwen that they will go sailing into the evening. Gwendolen pleads with him that she doesn't want to go, but he insists. While they are out, a strong wind whips the sail around and knocks Grandcourt into the water where he drowns!! Didn't see that coming. :-) Gwendolen is rescued be fishermen and brought back to shore in shock where Daniel Deronda happens to be walking. So again, Daniel to the rescue. He stays with Gwen while she recounts the horror and guilt she feels for not immediately throwing her husband a rope as he bobbed in the water three times. Daniel takes care of her until her mother can arrive from England. Gwendolen feels that this connection between them is stronger than ever, and though she can't think of it now, it is in the back of her mind that perhaps she will be with Daniel in the near future. She can't imagine her life without his constant advice and guidance. Daniel, though, has other ideas. He knows that he's in love with Mirah and now their different backgrounds are no longer an obstacle.

Daniel goes home to London, taking his chest from his grandfather to Mordecai and Mirah to look through and decipher before Mordecai gets too ill. Of course, Mordecai is thrilled to find that Daniel is Jewish...it's as if he knew it all along. Mirah has a light in her eyes as well. Mirah and Daniel confess their love for each other and become engaged. Daniel must make a trip to Gwendolen, who is now home in her small English town, and let her know that while he will always be her friend in time of need, he is now going to marry Mirah and travel with Mirah and Mordecai to the east and explore his roots. Gwendolen is stunned and upset, but by the time the marriage takes place, she's in a better place and sends a note wishing him all the best on his wedding day. Daniel is finally content to find what he wants to do with his life.

The entire book is really good, just long. So many characters! There is also alot more about the relationship between Daniel and Mordecai and the influence they have on each other. Mordecai takes Daniel to a discussion group where many young Jewish men discuss religion, etc. That was a good twenty pages of the book and became a little tedious for me, but it was so knowledgeable that I can't begrudge the author. She makes so many references to other pieces of literary work that honestly, she must have been a genius! I've enjoyed both of Eliot's books I've read, this one and Middlemarch! :-)

Finished: Angels In America, Part One: Millennium Approaches (Kushner). Pulitzer Prize winning, Tony Award winning play about AIDS, homosexuality, and politics in New York in 1985. Wow. I've had this play on my list to read ever since I started my list over a year ago. I think I've been mentally putting it off because I knew it dealt with AIDS and it's so hard for me to read books and/or plays that I know will get very emotional, when I know that my brother lived through this horrific nightmare himself. Well, actually, not lived through, but suffered through until his death. I had no idea that I actually had the book in my home until I was looking through some of my brother's books that I now have. So it hit me...that means David must have read the play, or seen the play and bought the book. And...if he did so, it was long after he already knew he'd been diagnosed as HIV positive. So, I figured if he could be brave enough to read it, much less go through it in reality, then I can certainly be brave enough to read it myself.

Wow, again, what an intense play. I think I feel it so much because I saw parts of my brother's journal where he put his innermost anguish down in pen after finding out he was HIV positive. He was given a literal death sentence back at that time. He then lived his life for six and a half more years with such positivity on the outside, that I never knew until he was gone how scared and tormented he was on the inside. What I wouldn't give for one day to have back with him.

So, Angels in America, Part One is the first part of a two part story. It's an entire play unto itself. It centers around Roy Cohn, the real life NY attorney who prosecuted Ethel Rosenberg for being a spy; Prior Walter, a gay man in a 4 1/2 year relationship, who finds out he has AIDS; Louis Ironson, Prior's lover, who can't handle the idea of the sickness, so leaves Prior as he becomes sicker and sicker; Joe Pitt, a married Morman man who works as a clerk in the NY justice system; and his wife, Harper who's addicted to Valium. And, oh yeah....Joe is a closet homosexual! Joe and Harper are miserable, and Joe finally confesses to her that he's gay. Harper goes on a few pill-induced trips. Roy Cohn tries to get Joe to go to work for one of his buddies in Washington D.C. because he finds out he's going to be disbarred and he wants Joe to do some underhanded covering up for him. And, Roy Cohn also finds out that HE is dying of AIDS, but he makes the doctor call it liver cancer. He, after all, the great and powerful man cannot be seen as a weak homosexual. By the end of the play, he's being visited by a vision of Ethel Rosenberg. Louis and Joe happen to meet and because they are both at loose ends, they have a fling. Meanwhile, Prior is in the hospital having visions of prior Prior's. He also keeps hearing mysterious flapping and trumpeting sounds. He's despondent that Louis has left him, but he has his ex-boyfriend, drag queen, Belize, looking after him. At the end of the play, the Angel or the Messenger, or whatever you call her from God has finally descended into Prior's room.

The play itself is fast-paced, heartbreaking, funny at points, tear-inducing, truthful, and so hard to swallow....but oh so good. I can see why it is so acclaimed. It's always amazing to read words that display feelings that I know for a fact my brother had. It makes me feel good in the sense that I know he wasn't floundering alone when he hadn't told any of us. He had his boyfriend and he had a community of people who supported him and loved him and understood him. I thank God for playwrights and human beings like Tony Kushner. I'm looking forward to reading Part Two as soon as I can get it.

Just one snippet. Before Joe has confessed to his wife, Harper, that he's gay, she asks him what he prays to God for. I read so much into his very simple statement.

Harper: When you pray, what do you pray for?

Joe: I pray for God to crush me, break me up into little pieces and start all over again. 

Finished: Look Homeward, Angel (Wolfe). Oh my, what a laborious book! This is actually an old book I own that has my maiden name scrawled on the pages in my high school writing. Was this an assigned reading book in high school for me?? If so, I know that I never read it. I can't even imagine reading this book in high school. It is soooooo long and, though it has some moments of very nice writing, so very difficult to really sink into and enjoy. Laborious...that is the word that I keep coming back to! It's not even on the list of the top 100 books that I'm going to try to tackle, yet when I looked it up it was definitely considered a "classic."

Anyway, Look Homeward, Angel is basically an autobiographical tale of the author, Thomas Wolfe. The primary family of the book is the Gant family, and the main character is the youngest son, Eugene Gant. Eugene is born in 1900, six years after his last sibling, into a dysfunctional, highly eccentric, whacko family. Do all those words mean the same thing? lol. Eugene's mother, Eliza, is a child of the Civil War of the south. She remembers vividly the days and years with no food and terrible hardship. Therefore, even though she appears to make pretty good money by running a boarding house and accumulating property in their North Carolina town, the family lives like they're on their last dime...and she always, always squawks about not having money! Oliver Gant, Eugene's father, is a combustible, self-centered, stone-cutter. He does love his wife and children, but he's a wander-lusting eccentric, and a drunk. His fits of manic alcohol-induced rage are cringe worthy, as we witness the whole family when the children are young, subject to these fits.

Oldest son, Steve, becomes a worthless, bad-check-writing drunk as well. Oldest daughter, Daisy, marries young and moves away to have her own family. Youngest daughter, Helen, is "just like her father" and is the only one, even at a very young age, who can talk him down from his alcoholic rages. She becomes his caretaker for the rest of his life, even after she marries. Twins, Grover and Ben are rambunctious boys, but the family is changed forever when Grover dies of typhoid fever at the age of 11. Ben, really the only person who Eugene is close to, is loved around town, but is a chain smoker who works mostly doing odd newspaper jobs. He doesn't talk much, but when he does, people listen. He's sickly for years "in the lungs", so doesn't pass the physical exam to enlist when America enters WWI. Luke, the next to the youngest after Eugene, is a likable salesman with a funny walk and a stutter. It is important to him to be liked by all. With Steve and Daisy moved away, Helen and Luke seem to commiserate together the most, thinking that Eugene is the one who is given the most. This is because at a very young age, Eugene shows his brilliance and he is groomed for college. None of the other children ever feel a love from the parents or a respect...yet, they have plenty of good family Christmases, etc. They just happen to show their gut-raw emotions at all these gatherings as well, and many times that leads to knock down, drag out fights.

So...the majority of the book deals with Eugene's complex thoughts and emotions. He goes off on so many tangents about what the true meaning of life and death and living are that I get lost. He lives in a fantasy world made up of most of the literary characters that he reads about. He is successful in college, and by the end of the book has graduated at 19 and is headed to Harvard for grad school. The climax of the book is the death of beloved brother, Ben, at the age of 26 from pneumonia. We watch as he suffers an agonizing death. The entire family is devastated, and Eugene is lost. The only person who he felt a connection with, who would tell him like it is, was gone. This part of the book was very moving and read fast. Other parts of the book, not so much.

I can't possibly say that it's anywhere near a favorite book, but I'm so glad I finally read this book that has been staring at me from my high school years. I marked only one passage to write down because I thought it was pretty genius, or at least it showed the early genius of Eugene himself. It is when Eugene is born and his thoughts about the world around him after he is placed in his crib alone.

    And left alone to sleep within a shuttered room, with the thick sunlight printed in bars upon the floor, unfathomable loneliness and sadness crept through him: he saw his life down the solemn vista of a forest aisle, and he knew he would always be the sad one: caged in that little round of skull, imprisoned in that beating and most secret heart, his life must always walk down lonely passages. Lost. He understood that men were forever strangers to one another, that no one ever comes really to know any one, that imprisoned in the dark womb of our mother, we come to life without having seen her face, that we are given to her arms a stranger, and that, caught in that insoluble prison of being, we escape it never, no matter what arms may clasp us, what mouth may kiss us, what heart may warm us. Never, never, never, never, never. 

Yes, lordy, that's how the whole book was! And those were just his thoughts as an infant! Imagine reading his thoughts as an adolescent...well, I did. :-) So....on to something not so wrought with introspective angst this time?